We all know the rule. Calories in < Calories out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many calories did you consume today? No clue? Join the club.

Oh wait, they have those too!

You can actually pay someone to track the calories for you. Weight loss programs have been around probably since man first decided killing the pig would be a hit. And diets are as old as the yo-yo. (Diets are actually a lot older, but I was going for a nifty quip).

So, did we really need more research on how the body deals with the fat we gorge? Of course we did. And the results are in.

Fat reaches your waistline within three hours of hitting your lips. To put that into perspective, the bacon you ate for breakfast this morning is why at ten your pants didn’t fit. (And you thought it was just that water thing happening again). Turns out, the body knows what you actually need and what you actually don’t.

Or maybe not. See, the fat gets deposited directly in this region, bypassing all other steps otherwise necessary, on the off chance we’ll find ourselves starving. Apparently, years of evolution still haven’t clued our bodies into believing we do not need this reserve.

So there it is. The bigger waistline, the thicker thighs, the wider hips. The endless sighs. In less time it takes to defrost the hamburger from the fridge.

Tell me, what diets have you tried? When did you succeed? When did you get content with not having the figure you had as a teen? And, does your closet still hold those anxiously awaiting skinny jeans?